Annie

Me and my wife decided to celebrate Lela's birthday at our newly renovated home together with the house blessing too. It was also the time when my father-in-law's cousins and relatives could come together and have a little reunion of sorts.

It was fun. Lela, as usual, was so aloof and didn't care if it was her big day. She was just trying to isolate herself until we decided to take her to our bedroom with my mom.

Anyways, one person came out 'loudly' out of the small crowd. She was the wife of Ella's cousin. She claimed to be the first AIDS nurse in the Philippines stationed at RITM. She also claimed that she attended most of the high profile AIDS patients.... and she claimed she is one of the very few certified Kinetic Massage Therapists in the country.

Hmmmm... Kinetic massage. Sounds interesting...

As it was new to us, my wife was immediately interested with it. She was complaining about feeling this and that, about being big, and about her long awaited menstruation even after the injectable contraceptive lapsed.

Well, as this lady was so 'versed' with some medical terms, she then suddenly offered to Ella (and to my sister) a 30-day massage session package. I was hesitant at first but Ella already decided to take the package. With the massage package, she claimed that it can cure a lot of illness like hypertension, stress, heart attack, etc... and that's it!

The following weekend she came. She brought two weighing scales, two sets of abdominal  bandage, and a vaginal dusch bottle. The first session was great. Ella and Joy claimed to have felt better after the massage... Ella also felt good after the dusching.

Then suddenly she came to me... 'Hala! Na stroke ka!!!'

What? Stroke? Shit!

So I was alarmed and was convinced to have myself took the package. She did my forehead, my scalp, and my arms. She claimed that I really had a stroke while pointing to some curled up veins right above my right eyebrow.

The following week, she claimed that she too can sense paranormal beings. Then she claimed I have a third eye. Freaking third eye and after that I felt something fishy about her. My wife and my sister too. Then my in-laws.

Then she make some stories.... and troubles... and then the rest was history.

So what's with the story? The following happened from the day she came:

1. Ella paid in advanced some sessions.

2. The weighing scale costs Php 2,500.00. When Ella canvassed from Watson's, it only costs P350.00.

3. The bandages cost P500.00 and claimed it was dipped with some freaking herbal medicine. In Watson's, it only cost Php 70.00.

4. She sold us some freaking miracle fruit tree for P2,500.00 per plant. My in-laws took 2 trees, and she claimed she bought 2 trees for Ella... and until now the trees where nowhere to be found.

5. She sold us an eye patch for P500.00 and as soon as I had the patch, I exclaimed... "Sa eroplano to a!" Then she told me that it was not the patch that she was selling. Taena!

6. Ah... the freaking virgin coconut oil worth thousands of pesos and weeks later, there was no virgin coconut frealking oil!

7. I have a freaking third eye... hehehe! She claimed the I have a paranormal friend who is Malaysian Indian who was following me eversince. Nyahahahahahahahaha! 

8. She claimed that our house help took half of her money and everyone was in trouble. Later we found out that she actually made it all up!

9. And most of all we were swindled!

Her name is Annie.