A Birthday Memory

This past year have been quite difficult for us. Of course, we have seen a lot of beautiful things too, but going through deaths of loveones is really heartbreaking. We celebrate life to its very fullest for once and then death just took away all the joy, the laughter and all that was worth. What leaves us are nothing but memories.

Exactly a year ago today, papa celebrated one of his happiest birthdays. Ella made sure that he's having his favorite dishes, my brother made sure that his all-time favorite lechon is served, Joy made sure that all of his friends were coming. It was an awesome day. One can see the happiness of a child celebrating a birthday by the look on his face. Seeing him like that was happiness and it was unforgettable. 

He was happy that he had palm reading sessions with the ladies that night. It was his first palm reading session in about a year... when he somehow predicted my father-in-law's health on a father's day. I am a skeptic but I am still amazed at how papa would simply catch or predict one's fate or past or traits or wahtever. I thought it was all trickery. Well, could be coincidence... until some of his readings were quite accurate and the last were with my in-laws. Mang Boy had a heart attack about five hours later. Papa was depressed as if he was blaming himself for reading Mang Boy's "fate." When Mang Boy recovered, so did papa... but he promised himself not to have palm reading sessions again. 

Exactly a year ago today, he had his last palm reading session. His usual ladies were lining up for some future insights. Well, it was all ladies that night though and I won't forget how he made them ladies happy and he was too! He had his usual laughter, a drunk kind of laughter, after each reading. That "hahahaha! Ho!" was really tempting. Happiness, you know.... Can't take that away from him that night.

Who would have thought it would be his last birthday? He was strong! He could take two to three liters of red horse beer in one sitting. He could sweep out all the rubbish down the street like he was the official block street sweeper. Who would have thought?

There are times when I get to see memories of him while alone. I still see my man the last time I saw him alive. I can still see my man the last time I sent him for a checkup. I still see my man the last time I saw his face turned read after I pulled the plug... To be honest, it is hurting me still. I still can't get over his passing. To be honest, pulling the plug was quite an experience. I'd be damned if I didn't feel chills until today. It was pretty aweful. People would say a few things like "it's okay, he was gone way before you unplug him..." or "you freed him of suffering..." and all that... But I could only say in silence that the feeling was not really good that it hurts still.

But he was gone. I know he is in a better place. I also hope that he is enjoying some heavenly beers on the other side. It's his birthday, he deserves some celebration, yeah! I could only pray for myself, that one day so soon, I will get over his passing and move on. I could only pray for my mom, that she be healthy. I could only pray for my siblings that they may find happiness in everything that they do. I'm sure my old man is very proud of them. I hope he is proud of me too!

Today would have been papa's 77th birthday. But he came short of waiting for this day. He looked forward for this day. He's got plans... but it's not meant to be. It would have been so much fun. Just not meant to be.

I really missed my old man. I missed kissing him. I missed hugging him... I missed the times when he shoo me away because I was so annoying already when I hug him. It was something I looked forward to when I got to visit him. Never got to happen again, I guess.

Happy birthday me old man! No more hugs but I'm pretty sure you look better now. No more pains yeah! Rest. Well. I love you so much, papa!

Fried rice and scrambled eggs

It was in the mid-90s when I decided to leave home to pursue my high school education. Life was tough in Cagayan de Oro that my mama was really struggling for us to live another day. I knew I had to do something.

I saw my mom one afternoon sleeping, tired. We had no electricity that time and it was so hot that day. Mama was lying on bed, tired, and I could see perspiration dripping down on her forehead… I just stopped at our bedroom door staring at her… “Kapoy na kaayo si mama…” was on my thoughts and I can still remember how I felt that afternoon. I felt like I was not helping her much and I thought I had to do something for her.

That made me decide to leave for Bohol. All I knew was I had to finish at least high school somewhere else. That was the first time I had a goal. Finish at least high school.

But life was tougher. For two years I was a houseboy and at the same time studying. I had to earn it and I think that experience was worth taking. Tatay Rudy (SLN) was tough that it came to the point that I hated him so much. But later on I realized he was just trying to mold me, indirectly though, but he really made something good for me as a person.

All I needed was a letter from my mama or from Joy maybe, or from papa, which I believed he wouldn’t… I just wanted to know how were they back home, or maybe I just want to know if they missed me. The letters were seldom coming, sometimes, once in months. But I didn’t stop me from writing them a letter at least once in two weeks. It was my only way to at least express my madness. I remember that time, a postage stamp was worth a peso and I had to ask from my aunts (mama’s sisters) on a Tuesday, a market day. Tatay would give me money, of course, but a peso or five from my aunts was really special for me. I remember Tiya Ining (SLN) would hug me when I visited her small kakanin stall in the market or she would complain in tears if she couldn’t give me something. Tiya Inyang was really nice. She was like mama. She would talk to me like I am her own kid… and I felt like I was talking to mama also.

I really looked forward for Tuesdays those days. It felt like home.

I can’t forget one day when my friends threw me a “mañanita” for the first time. Mañanita was an old practice when friends would serenade you on your birthday at dawn. It was really nice and I really felt like I was really special, damn big time! Maybe, I was just trying to fit around or was insecure that I really wanted a boost… at least that day. It happened again but I was expecting it. It was not as fun as the first one though but it still felt good.

Well, those were the days. Like before, I am alone here in a bit strange place. I could only expect a call from my wife, hear my son’s voice over the phone or my daughter’s cries… Last night, I could only look outside from my room’s window watching the rain… no mañanita to expect, no friends coming, just me. No suman or biko to take but fried rice and scrambled eggs...

I’m 31 today… and I am missing my family more…